As I sit here, unable to sleep yet again, and talk to a friend on yahoo and think about the current state of my life... I'm realizing things I never knew about myself.
My husband and I haven't been "together" for a very long time. We've slept in the same bed, we've had sex, we've kissed... but we haven't been the couple we were. We don't talk, we don't communicate, we don't spend time together. We've been living two separate lives for quite some time, just living them side by side. I think this has been the root of our problems. And I think now that we've found out what the problem is we can begin taking steps to fix it and move on.
I've realized that I have been drama free for months, no big blowups... and I love it. It's nice to be free of the crap.
I've realized that I need more friends, and I'm ready to start making them. I've also realized that I have had the best friend I've so wanted my whole life for about 4 years now. He's disappeared now and then, but I'm very happy to have him in my life again. I missed him. And he really needs to stop this "disappear for a few months every once in a while" shit. Also, I hope that he and John can work out their differences and become friends.
I've also come to realize, that I have changed. I am not the same person I was three years ago. Neither is my husband. I've lost friends, learned lessons, grown up. I still have a lot of the same person in me... but I have changed. It's time to be true to myself. It's time to move on with my life and my relationship. My world has kind of stopped since deployment started. I've been in a rut... and I'm ready to get back on track. Start college, work on my marriage, fall in love with John all over again. I'm ready to start smiling again.
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