Day 70 and Anxiety Issues

As R&R looms ever closer I'm beginning to hate the fucking little monster. I'm thinking of how excited I am to see my husband, but how bad I'm going to hate it. 2 weeks and then he's gone. That's 14 days. 840 hours. 2400 minutes. Or 144,000 precious little seconds. And then he'll be gone again. For about 7 months give or take. Which would be all fine and dandy, if it weren't such a goddamn tease. What is 14 compared to 365? The only thing that is helping me keep my head up is knowing that this has and end. And it has to end before such and such date according to his orders. So I have SOMETHING to look forward to. This whole year bullshit is for the dogs. My cousin is a Marine that recently got back, after 9 months. 9 months? And they are supposed to be the tough guys? Then why is my man still gone a whole year? I guess the few and proud get special treatment? That's some class act bullshit right there. (For those of you who have comments about why they have short deployments, cram it, I'm venting. Just let me do so. I love all men and women who serve our country no matter what their insignia/logo/whatever you call it is. Just let me vent.) This is just such schoolyard bullshit. And R&R is an evil little bastard.

In other news, it looks like john is going to re-up. Which I'm all for. It also looks like we stand a chance of getting the hell out of this unit. Which is wonderful because I'm quite tired of playing bullshit games with the fucking morons in it, plus I don't want to move to El Paso. It's also bad, because I don't want to leave Hood. I kinda have friends here and I like it. It has become a home that we have built together. But that's life. You go where it takes you and you rebuild. At least we will hopefully (crossing my fingers) be closer to all of my family.

Now, onto Anxiety issues.
I'm leaving AL in like 2 days to go visit my sister whom I've never met in OH. Her and her husband and my niece and nephew. I was hoping to meet my other sister as well but it was looking like she might have had too busy of a schedule. however it has recently come to my knowledge that she will be there... which is great, kind of amazing actually... but there's a couple things that have my mind racing. Kristin, I have talked to a lot and we're really close and I'm excited as hell. Brittany however, we haven't talked much, which puts me on edge... I'm nervous, like big time. What do I say to a sister I don't know? Hell I barely know either of them.
Also, I'm worried. my dad has this fear that this will all be a 20 questions thing. A "Why did you/didn't you do this for the past 20 years" set up. And since he mentioned it, I'm stressing over it.
Meanwhile Kristin is expecting something to come up and cause us not to make it and everything is just... ODD. I don't know how to feel, and I will probably be a nervous wreck until I get up there and find out everything is okay, but I really hope this isn't dramafest 2010.

My life does not revolve around deployment!!!

We're over 2 months into this. I'm adjusting to you being gone, you're adjusting to being away. And now you're being more clingy than ever. i have literally sat in front of my computer bored as hell with nothing to do for 6 hours waiting on you to get online 6 hours late. I sign into yahoo on my phone so that if you get online when I'm not home, I can still tell you I love you and chat for at least a minute. And yet, because I fell asleep (during a 6 hour wait for you) you decide to tell me I'm blowing you off because I'm not awake and at my computer drooling over talking to you every damn time you log on? WTF am I supposed to do? Never sleep because you might call? Never go anywhere because I have to be at the computer if you get online? I am not that kind of army wife. Sitting here for hour on end drives me nuts. It makes it 13 thousand times worse for me. You know what I do while I sit here? I worry. I worry that you aren't going to get online. I worry that you are hurt. I worry that you won't come home... I love talking to you, and I am so privileged to get to speak to you everyday. But my life did not stop when you left. I can't let it stop because you want to see me everyday on cam. I can't let it stop because you want me to talk to you every chance YOU get. I can't just revolve around your schedule. I have my own schedule as well. And you have no idea how bad you just hurt me by telling me I was blowing you off. By treating me like crap and acting cold to me because I fell asleep or because I waited 2 hours and then decided to take my friend home (of course then you signed on) because I THOUGHT you weren't getting online. You're making me feel like utter crap. I don't know if it's because you're sad or if it's because this deployment is really taking it's toll on you or what. But you've never been clingy, and now is NOT the time to start. I know you want to talk to me, and I love that... but you need to think about someone else beside yourself for a moment. I love you. I can't wait to talk to you again whenever we get the chance. Have a good day at work.

Payback's a bitch & Day 62

It's been over 2 months since this deployment started, and all in all, I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm proud of myself. I've spent the last week or so here in AL with my family. I finally got my license reinstated and it's so nice to be able to drive. We're caught up on bills, only have 3 things left in the pawn shop. We have friends to pay back, but we have plenty of time to do that, and we are working on it little by little. So things are definitely looking up. R&R is coming up soon, and as soon as he goes back to the sandbox, I'll start upping allotments to places and finally start paying more toward these things we are financing. The quicker we pay off this stuff, the less we pay, and the more money we'll have when he gets back. I think we're doing pretty damn good. I've even managed to allot myself a certain amount of spending money per paycheck and was finally able to get my tattoo. Things were pretty bad there for a while due to poor money management, but I'm not worried anymore. I don't worry about how I'm supposed to get Shayli formula. I'm not eating a can of corn for dinner. So everything is okay. :) And we got through it together. I gotta admit, we have some pretty awesome fucking friends.

I'm finally getting to meet my older sisters. My dad and I are taking a trip to Ohio on the 20th, we'll be there for 5-6 days. I'm so excited. My whole life I've heard about these women, but I never thought I'd meet them. Hell, I never thought I'd speak to them. Thank God for facebook or I never would have found them. I'm like kid-in-a-candy-store excited to meet them. :)

And onto the title of this post...

You thought you could make me miserable. You thought you were the one ahead. I laughed at you. Marrying one guy just to cheat on him with a guy who gives you everything you want cuz he has money doesn't make you better than me. It makes you a whore. Money doesn't make you better than anyone. Cheating on that guy with a guy that deals drugs, shows that you're a coke addict, it doesn't show that you found a guy who treats you better. The whole time telling your husband that you'll work it out with him when you have no intention to so he'll keep sending you money as well, just makes you a lying user. And threatening me and my daughter like you did doesn't make you a badass, it makes you a coward. You were so scared I'd actually beat your ass that it made you feel more powerful to threaten an innocent 6 month old child. Everything was going just great for you for a while... and you sure enjoyed throwing your "success" in everyone's face. But I knew better. I sat back and watched, waiting patiently for Karma to bite you in the ass for not only what I have listed here, but for the way you've treated others the past 4 years. And it has. You called me a bitch, but Karma is a bigger bitch than I'll ever be. Now your world is crumbling down. Everyone has turned their back on you except your family, and they are so sick of you it's ridiculous. They have been nice because of your daughter, and that's it. So keep talking shit about me to everyone you think is your friend. It all gets back to me anyway. And I just laugh. For someone who ain't studying me, my name sure comes out of your mouth a whole hell of a lot. Jealousy is an awful disease, get well soon.