Fading Memories, I miss you, and Day 151

R&R has come and gone. John is now back overseas. I wasn't able to blog at all during the month of October. It was one thing after another. My grandfather passed away. I still feel numb. It's like everything just froze in time. Then John came home. Then my dear friend Allen committed suicide. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. R&R feels like nothing more than a dream. My memories of my grandfather and of Allen feel so hard to hold on to. And I've been so busy that I haven't had the time to cry, much less grieve. It's even harder since I don't have people to talk to about what I'm feeling/going through. But I'm doing it. Just trying to be strong. There will be plenty of time to grieve and let go and move on after deployment right?