I want you to know Amy...

I hope you read this...

I write... to work through hurt. To work through pain. To work through emptiness and loneliness and my bipolar disorder and everything. I wrote everything I did when I lost you and when you pushed me away because I seriously felt that way at the time. Never knowing if you would truly read it or not, and honestly, I don't know if I cared if you did. The past year I have been a shell of a human and I'm working on that. The other night we talked about my bipolar and your situation and your life... and I felt closer to you than I have in a long time. I've been so excited about that night. I've been excited to get back here... excited to hopefully see you and spend some time with you. So if you went back and read anything that hurt you... I'm sorry. It may have been how I felt then, at that moment... but it's not how I feel now. I want to be there for you. I was before, I always have been if you needed me (you pushed me away, but I was still there) and I still am here. Don't keep pushing me away Amy. I don't want to lose my best friend again. I want our friendship back. I need it back. And I really think a large part of you does too.